Dating As A Fellow Human - Dispatch #1

How often should someone I'm dating get in touch with me?

Excerpt from my book Dating As A Fellow Human, to be published by Penguin Random House 2027/2028.

My sweet friend,

I hope you’re happy and enjoying summer!

My version of enjoying the summer has been to work a lot on my book and trying to escape my children (who are in the apartment the whole time!), so I can keep working on my book.

Last summer we had lots of epic adventures and this summer we’re having a coupla of them as well. Just not as epic as last year’s. Something is pushing me to REALLY DIG IN and focus on the writing on my book.

And I like to listen to what my instincts are telling me to do!

Because of this, I haven’t really been keeping up with social media AT ALL.

Which feels terribly irresponsible for the modern artist!!

Still, since I spend so many hours of my days working, and still I feel like there’s so much I would like to share that doesn’t fit into the book, I thought I might share a bit of it here, along with my progress and my process.

Whatcha think about that? 😀

Hey, at least I’m outside and my legs are pretty tanned! So, it still counts as summer! Yeeeehaaaaw!!!!

Now, for the little frame at the top of this post,

in this part of the book, I was talking to my beloved friend and mentor, Jason Logan, and I was telling him about this guy I was dating who got in touch with me pretty intermittently.

I would send him an email and he would take a whole week to respond!

He would write humongous, flowery, flattering and lovely emails. But there was such a gap in communication, nevertheless. And he never wanted to have any dates after our first one!

So, Jason was pretty much, in a very gentle way, letting me know me that this would not be happening if the guy was truly interested on getting to know me. And I agree with him!

Still, I keep meeting different people every day who have such different needs for communication.

My friend (who doesn’t like to text very much) was asking me the other day if he should message his lady friend in between dates.

I told him I like it best when guys continue speaking to me in between dates. It keeps the good ol’ connection goin’!

In fact I seriously dislike when guys go on dates with me and then don’t talk to me at all in between. It’s too much of a switch! From existent to non-existent. From appearing to disappearing.

Is it weird that I find that unnatural?

Once a fellow human has shown up in my consciousness, if I really like them, I keep them there!

And I like to behave as if I’m glad that they exist. So I find it hard to understand when other people prefer to act as if I’m not part of their world and psyche at all, after we’ve connected.

But when my friend started texting his lady friend in between dates, he found out that she didn’t like to text very much either, since she was very unresponsive.

So, I told him, “You know what, Pepe?” (let’s call him Pepe), “We all have different needs for connection and communication. So, what works for me, might not work for other people”.

That’s why, when I think about having a “dating advice column”, I feel like the best I could offer is a “dating support column”. Because I’m learning as I go!

But still, I can tell you some universal truths:

• If someone wants to get to know you, they’ll keep showing up in your world! Over and over. Because when a deep connection happens, even if it’s for a little bit, a fellow human can bury like tick under our skin, and the world feels richer and more exciting because they are in it. So it’s natural that they would love to rejoice in your existence and your presence once more.

• No. Not everyone has the same communication needs. This needs to be taken into consideration when it comes to compatibility.

• No. Not everyone has the same closeness needs. This needs to be taken into consideration when it comes to compatibility.

• Of course, everyone has different paces when it comes to building connection! Some people want to build slowly, and have quiet times and spaces to chew on the experience of having been with another human for a little bit. While other people prefer to stay tight and close to each other from day one.

• Still, if someone is REALLY interested in you, and you tell them - “Hey buddy, I really enjoy your existence, and it would be so wonderful to be in touch a bit more often”, they will try to meet your need. And in the end, it will somehow please them, because it pleases you! Even if it’s a learning curve for them.

• And MOST CERTAINLY there are people who have avoidant attachment style. So they’re basically human boomerangs. They get super close, they freak out by their feelings and then they need to go away ridiculously far away, just to feel normal again. I don’t date those anymore, but they’re not bad people. They just need a lot of extra patience (and perhaps, therapy!).

• And I can tell you in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, that a lot of people won’t be interested in you. So, they might stay away because they want to be away. It’s a painful truth, but really, all that means is that their eyes can’t see your light. You need to hang out with eyes that can see your light. So, these ones must immediately be eliminated from the competition to become the love of your life. They’re GONERS!

There’s also a bunch of people who will have a very similar communication style than us! So, those ones are easy peasy to communicate with. That’s not, on its own, enough to create a relationship, but it feels good to encounter humans who seem to have the same needs.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed dispatch #1 of the making of Dating As A Fellow Human.

If you have any comments or questions or anything, please let me know. It’s been a li’l bit lonely writing so much on my own. It would be so nice to connect with my dear readers once again.

Big hugs, and lots of love!

Ani ❤️