The big O (K)

All that stuff stuffed into a tiny little word

My dear friend,

Today’s newsletter is a li’l shortie one!

One of the things I’ve realized about myself in the last couple of years, is that I say “It’s OK” or “I’m OK” quite a bit, even when things are NOT ok, or when I am NOT OK in the slightest.

Why is that, I wonder?

My theory is that I’m used to trying to make people comfortable with the things I say.

And telling people you’re not OK, well, it’s like throwing a wet blanket on an otherwise jolly situation!

THEN you become the party pooper.

And nobody wants to be the party pooper!

The honest truth is that I’m pretty OK most of the time! So, most of the time it’s not necessary to overthink about it.

But what about the times when saying “It’s OK” or “I’m OK” is nothing but a wall built in between two people and their truths?

Nothing but a veil.

A mix between performance, pretence and people-pleasing?

Wouldn’t it be more helpful to say the truth?

Not only to other people,

but to our darling selves??

Anyways,

Yesterday I was writing this little note in my journal:

“Things to say instead of ‘I’m OK’, when you really are not:

“I’m hurting but the the hurt will pass. This is painful and all humans have painful moments. What do I need to feel cared for?”

Then, I opened a journal from 2021, in the middle of the dark era of lockdown and heartbreak, and I found this little note, which related to it oh so perfectly:

I’m not ok.

And I will heal.

This feels much better than what I’ve been saying my whole life:

It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.

It’s not OK!

I’m not OK.

But I will be, eventually.

And then, I won’t be OK once again.

And then my wave, my rise and fall of okayness will continue and grow and rise and fall and this is life, isn’t it?

It’s not a constant state of okayness but just a lesson on how to surf the dips of on okayness better and better.

And to help these lower than us in the okayness scale when we’re feeling a bit okayer than them.

Are we ok?

Well, a lot of the time we are not.

We are in transition.

From one side of the spectrum of okayness towards the other.

And it’s OK. It’s OK, merely because it has to be.

Because there’s no other way.

Better to be OK with it.

I hope today you’re better than OK, my dearest friend.

I hope you’re feeling happy inside ✨

And I’m sending you lots of love ❤️

Your friend,

- Ani