My dear friend, every year I set myself one lofty goal or another. This year, my goal is to learn how the hell to love myself once and for all.
The interesting thing is that, I’m pretty good at loving people (or those are the reviews I’ve received, anyways!).
But when it comes to myself, I’ve always had a bit of a hard time.
I tend to be harsh and impatient with myself a lot of the time. I don’t forgive myself very easily for my mistakes. I criticize and scold myself quite a bit. I compare myself to others quite unfavourably and then get all sad about it. I overlook the good things I do and fixate on the things I don’t do.
Anyways! Enough about that!
This whole entire year I’ve been working at this thing quite relentlessly.
I was looking at my journal, and, at the beginning of this month, I wrote this poem.
(I photographed the pages, but I transcribed it below)
I really wanted to share it with you ❤️
February
Month of LOVE
Because I want to learn
I want to get better
at loving ME.
What?
Does it sound weird?
Does it sound futile?
As an exercise?
I suppose it does.
I suppose it doesn’t count
when someone isn’t there
To support me.
To love me.
To be tender
towards me.
And because
I’ve chosen
paths of love
which have brought me
self-destruction
self-abandonment
self-delusion
self-inflicted agony and despair.
WHY?
Well, when I blink
for a second
to think about it
it is simply because
I never took the time
to realize that
I AM A GOOD THING.
I might make mistakes
Heaps and heaps of those.
I might not be
what the world tells me
is acceptable to be.
I might not be
What I always believed
to be “normal” or “lovable”.
But despite all of those
trains of thought
created by some
silly, old, rotten voice
of my past
or voice of my fears
I recognize now
that my real voice,
my actual truth,
my actual ME,
comes and goes
way deeper than that.
The real ME
is connected to the universe.
Is overflowing with love.
With beautiful dreams
with pure, innocent,
wonderful intentions.
How could I not love this?
How could I not love ME?
When I realize
that I was thrown
onto this planet
without a map
without instructions
full of confusion
full of flaws
but completely
bursting with love
and with magic?
I forgive myself
for being made
the way I am
since I didn’t make me.
I accept myself
I embrace myself,
in the same way
I accept the sunshine and the moon.
In the same way
I embrace
The summer and the winter.
We came from the same place,
didn’t we?
We were cut
from the same
universal fibres.
Now I tend to me,
to my garden
with the care and the love
I could give
to a bouquet of flowers
that was given to me
by the very hand
of whomever created EVERYTHING.
Because,
that is precisely,
what I
happen
to be.
With lots of love (and the tender beginnings of self-love),
your friend,
Ani.
I love this so much. The way it runs down the page like a river. How true it is. And as a fellow lover of the universe and sometimes hater of myself I was thinking: I wonder if there is someone out there who really, really loves themselves that you could interview. A love expert! Another follow up idea or question is why is it that some of the most extraordinary people in the world struggle with loving themselves, almost or so it seems in upsidedown world proportion to how amazing they are? Also if this post were the first half of a book I would totally buy that book.
that is so incredibly beautiful, simple and perfect. i can definitely connect with your feelings and words. i love the way that you have flipped your negative thoughts and really embraced the beauty in your imperfections and finding the love in just being you. hip hip hooray! <3